Letters to Companies That Don’t Really Care.

Dear Garnier:

I was really excited when I saw your new Olia color called “Light Natural Auburn.” The picture on the box greatly resembles my natural hair color, and the formula claimed to be moisturizing and ammonia free. However, I do not think that your definition of “Light Natural Auburn” and mine are anywhere near the same. Instead of just covering my roots and kicking up my natural hair color, it did this:












On my home planet, this would be called “Medium Auburn Brown.”

Also, I had to use two boxes, and really, to get the coverage I wanted, it would have taken 2 1/2. My hair felt like nasty, gummy, straw after I finished coloring it, and it’s still not back to normal. Now I’m going to have to trot my unemployed ass to an actual beauty supply store and hope that I can find some kind of demi-permanent color to fix this shit and/or fry my hair by re-coloring it with the kind with ammonia that actually turns the color it looks like on the box.

Finally, I was going to post a review on your website, but you required me to make an account and give you all of my information. I don’t need any more junk e-mail, and I’m not inclined to want to stay up to date on your products because frankly, I’m not impressed with them.


Dear Lane Bryant:

All I need is one decent pair of dark wash bootcut jeans. This should not be that difficult. But alas, it appears to be. All of your jeans – from the RightWrongFit to the Genius fit – have the pockets halfway down my thighs. You know, I pretty much like my ass. It’s slightly rounded and nicely shaped. But your pants make it look like it’s flat and droopy. I have several pairs of your jeans from various seasons past, and none of them have ass-droop pockets. Please move the pockets up a couple of inches, and I’ll buy your pants.

Also, I have at numerous times submitted feedback via email regarding your product line and website. Since ya’ll just send me some sort of form letter about “incidents,” I can only assume that you have no intention of reading it. Maybe you’ll read this. Here are my current issues with your store and products:

  1. The aforementioned jeans pockets problem.
  2. The fact that, while you have started carrying some bras in larger band sizes online, they only come in black and white, in like 2 styles, and the fit of each of them is totally different. This guarantees that you will be getting many returned bras. Also, why no colors? Those of us with larger ribcages like red and blue and patterns too, and matching things. Put them in the stores, and extend your sizes on all your bras.
  3. Your stores almost never carry more than one 26/28 in any given style, and when that’s gone, you don’t get more. I talked to the manager of my local store, and she said that she has no control over what she is sent. This is problematic on several levels. First, the local manager should be able to provide feedback on what sizes are in demand. Your sales numbers only tell you that things are sold. They don’t tell you how many people wanted to buy things that weren’t in stock (and weren’t in stock online either). Second, the “well, you can order it online and ship it free!” routine is bogus. I want to try it on first. That’s why I put on actual pants and went out in public. If I’m just ordering online, I can do that in my yoga pants and ripped t-shirt at 3 a.m.
  4. The website sucks. The little pop-up window when you click on an item is annoying, because it pops up at the very top of the screen, and you have to scroll up to see it, and then when you close it, it doesn’t take you back to your place in the list. The photography is awful. The lighting is bad, and the colors don’t look anything like they do in person; the clothes don’t fit the models half the time; and the drab gray background does no one any favors. Finally, your “clearance” sales online are a joke. $5 off IS NOT CLEARANCE…especially when the same item in store is way, way cheaper. The prices should be the same.
  5. Why doesn’t the 7even line go up to a 28? Seriously.
  6. Why do you keep on making these “suits” in that horrible cotton fabric that wrinkles and collects lint? It doesn’t look professional. You had a few good things last winter, with the ponte knit separates…make those all the time.
  7. All the summer dresses are see-through and full of static cling. I do not want to have to layer in July. Please look into different fabrics.
  8. Please bring back the Super Opaque non-control top tights the way they were when you first made them. I have not found their equal since. More colors would be nice too.
  9. On a related note, please quit making everything have a control top or slimming panel. For those of us with a natural muffin top, it only exacerbates the problem.
  10. Please make some shrugs or cardigans that hook or button or start carrying those old-school sweater clips. I’m tired of yanking cardigan flaps out from my armpits.


Dear Old Navy:

Please bring back “The Diva” and “The Flirt” jeans, or better yet, please bring back the “Just Below Waist Boot Cut” jeans that you had when you first sold plus sizes in stores. While you’re at it, please put the jeans…and the rest of the plus size line…back in stores. This is not complicated. Also, please stop with the paper-thin dolman-sleeve crap you’re passing off as shirts. I used to buy a lot of clothes from you, but I haven’t lately because your jeans now suck and are more expensive. PS – Advertising “ALL JEANS FOR $19” is misleading. You usually have one pair of plus jeans for $19, and they’re the ones no one wants to buy. All jeans means all jeans. I would think the plus size ones would be cheaper because you don’t have to pay to ship them to stores, don’t have to pay employees to arrange them on a rack, etc.

Still Pantsless,

Dear ELF Cosmetics:

Thanks for offering cheaper versions of high-end products. However, it doesn’t do any good to have a cheap HD Finishing Powder if, when you open the jar and go to shake a little out to use, the filter thingy falls out and dumps powder all over your bathroom counter.



12 comments on “Letters to Companies That Don’t Really Care.

  1. You might want to check out “Maurices” if they have one in your area, I’ve found they’ve got pretty decent jeans. Can totally relate to loving a product and then having them cut production costs or “make improvements” only to have it turn into something totally useless. Uhg, it’s frustrating!

  2. Re: Jeans comment above
    You may need to dig through 15-20 pairs that are ugly as sin and covered in bling to find a pair that don’t have rhinestones all over the butt.

    • I don’t think there’s a Maurice’s around here, sadly…I looked at your jeans from one of your posts with great envy. And I don’t care if they have rhinestones on the butt as long as the pockets are in the right spot. If my butt looks good in the jeans, I have no problem drawing attention to it, heh.

      • My problem with them is that it makes washing the jeans harder, and then if you lose one it looks strange. That, and I’m not a big rhinestone fan (don’t tell anyone šŸ˜‰ ).

        Have you checked H&M out? I know not all of them carry plus sizes, my local place has a small area (roughly the size of a closet) with plus size clothes.

  3. Also, Maurice’s only goes up to 24, as far as I know. I think some of their stuff fits 26/28, but I didn’t have any luck the time I went.

    So here are my thoughts on your thoughts lol:
    The Hair color – Also, did the “ammonia free” color just constantly bleed on you when you shower? My color last month was an ammonia free one and it rinsed out SO MUCH every time I showered. I know red colors are more inclined to strip out, but this one was bad. A few days before I had to color it again, the color finally stopped rinsing out in the shower. I had to move on to yet another brand and color since Ulta never has my favorite one in stock.

    Lane Bryant – For bras, I wish they also carried A cups because not every plus-sized woman has big boobs. The fit on the B cups (and all the bra styles for that matter) varies so widely! I bought a strapless bra years ago in a B cup that is probably more like a large C. I have to pad the crap out of that puppy when I wear it. I am able to wear a B in the plunge bras, but the cups are still a little big. Right now, I am wearing a B in the Smooth Boost Plunge Bra and those fit great for me. I bought 4 of them. lol

    Additionally, when they offer to order whatever you want online that isn’t in store (because I also find it tough to find my size a lot of the time), if it isn’t on the website or is out of stock, they can’t order it for you. Which is ridiculous. They should be able to order it for you period. It is their company.

    I agree with the pop-up window on the website. I also hate they no longer let you “favorite” or “wish list” items. And $5 off is no clearance. I hate that about Target too. I get excited about clearance and it is $2.50 off and I say WHAT???? The in-store clearance at LB is SO MUCH BETTER.

    AH, the knit maxi I tried on last visit to the store was kind of see-through. I went out of the dressing room to show Sean the dress because I sort of liked it although it didn’t fit too well in the tummy. And he said he could see my polka-dot panties through the dress. ugh. Also, while we are on the subject of dresses, I wish more dresses were in store for me to try and I wish they had less strapless and weird strap options and more wide strap options I could wear a normal bra with. And I wish they weren’t so super long. I am 5’9″ and kind of tall compared to most women I know and those dresses are even too long for me usually.
    And I so need some vintage sweater clips. Oy vey!

    Old Navy – TOTALLY AGREE! I hate they took things out of store. I HATE that they advertise “ALL (WHATEVER ITEM) ON SALE FOR $?” And the plus size stuff is not on sale and it is at least $20 more than the sale items. ALSO, plus size women cannot return items to the store (which is way easier for me to do), but the Big and Tall Men’s stuff, which is also not available in store, can be returned to the store. BTW, they should also have Big and Tall Men’s stuff in store too. I can only get Sean’s polos online because they make them in a material he actually likes.

    • Hailey, Just a tip on bras: Try “Bali”, my friend wore a 42A and she was able to get three different styles and they really fit quite nicely.

      • Thanks! I will have to go check them out and try one šŸ™‚ It looks like they have pretty awesome sale prices on bras too.

      • I found them when I worked at Foley’s (ages ago), I have one of their comfy bras even now but I hate buying bras without trying them on, and they aren’t exactly a popular brand here.

    • Catherine’s has some bras in an A cup, I think. My problem is that my band size is a 48 and there’s just no way around that. I’ve tried squeezing into 46’s, but they just. don’t. work. Those extender things are not great – they make the bra fit oddly. I have been mostly wearing the back-smoothing wire-free bras from Catherine’s lately…I want the underwire version from LB, but alas, no. I do like the Passion Lace full coverage, and that one actually fits me well. I’m usually a C/D cup, depending on the bra. I will say- you might try the back smoother ones. The cups run way small on those. Mine from Catherine’s is a DD, and when I tried to squeeze into the 46’s from LB, I needed a bigger cup size in that, too.

      • Ah, good to know. I haven’t tried on a back-smoothing one before. Peeped Catherine’s online and they had a few options. I feel weird not wearing underwire, but I think I will go try some on soon.

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