Look Both Ways Before You Cross Me

Things that are making me stabby:

1. My hair. It’s been falling out. I mean, I know everyone sheds, but this has been ridiculous. According to Dr. Google, if you have been under major stress, about 3 months later, your hair falls out. Something about expedited growth cycles blah blah blah. I suppose it could be something else, but the stress thing? Long term unemployment, career crisis, hate my life, check. It’s driving me nuts. My hair is at the awkward stage anyway. I want it to be LONG (bra-strap-mid-back length), but it’s about halfway between there and my shoulders. I see all these pretty braids on Pinterest, and I want to try them, but half of me just wants to cut the shit back off shoulder length and dye turquoise streaks in it. Which is probably going to win.

2. My shoes. So many shoes, and all of them are giving me blisters. THE FUCK is with shoe manufacturers making sandals that have these slippery, slidy bottoms? Do they think women’s feet don’t sweat? The only shoes I can even stand right now are my Sanuk Yoga Mat Flip Flops. I’ve been surfing for some slightly more work-appropriate options but I am not finding what I want. Might be time to order some black flip-flops and say fuck it. My co-workers wear jeans and tennis shoes half the time, or Toms, or Chucks. Probably no one would even notice.

3. My co-workers. Speaking of. They’re nice people but we need to bring this office to the 21st century, starting with direct deposit and ending with scanning the goddamn mail. Also, the one I probably have to deal with the most is lazy as shit. I can respect this as a lifestyle choice, but DUDE. At least make an effort on the typos and the putting things in the file in date order. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut but it’s so, so hard. None of these people would last 30 seconds at any job I’ve had for the last 15 years, and it’s making me crazy. Like I said, though, I’m trying to keep my mouth shut and not (a) create work for myself, because I have this habit of doing that and (b) piss anyone off. I’ve had enough work drama over the last year, I don’t need any more. I’m just trying to quietly fix things and make it so that *my* stuff is the way I want it. BUT AAAAGH LEARN HOW TO USE THE CALENDAR SYSTEM AND NOT PUT THINGS IN THE WRONG FOLDERS.

4. Summer. I hate summer. I hate it so much. I have many cute new clothes and perhaps a few more coming that I ordered from 4th of July sales and all I want to do is wear my pajama shorts. I can’t even with this. It was 94 degrees at 8:45 pm. Come on Powerball, I want to move somewhere that the temperature never, ever gets this high. When I see the weather forecast, all I can think of is Robin Williams in “Good Morning, vietnam” with his spiel about “The weather today is hot and shitty. The weather tomorrow will be hot and shitty with a crappy weather front coming down from the north. Basically, it’s hotter than a snake’s ass in a wagon rut.” PS, the Just My Size “leggings” are not, in fact, actual leggings, they are footless tights, and they are nigh impossible to wrench onto your legs in the morning when you just put on lotion and you’re in a hurry and you wanted to wear a tunic with non-pants and instead you ended up wearing a dress and not having time to finish your makeup.

Song of the Day: “The Love You Save May Be Your Own” – Jackson Five
Today’s Time Waster: Find me some shoes in a 9.5 or 10 wide that AREN’T SLIPPERY INSIDE and contain no parts that will give my little toe a damn blister. Also, cheap would be awesome.
What I’m Craving: A cold front.


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